I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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