I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
