Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
