His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
