my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
