Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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