i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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