It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
