How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
