i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
