Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
