I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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