I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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