All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
