I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
