my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
