I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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