I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
