6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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