Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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