took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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