He uses pillows to masturbate.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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