When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize