NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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