Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When are your genitals available?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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