Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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