Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize