I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
