shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize