who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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