Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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