For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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