apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize