We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize