yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
