i don't like sucking hair
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
