Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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