my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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