You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
