I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize