I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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