Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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