so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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