His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
