Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize