im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
