That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
