While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
