I am puke
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
