then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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