If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
