There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize