why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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