hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize