i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
