i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
