Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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