And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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