Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
