So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
