Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
