Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize