I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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