The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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