woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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