and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
