Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
