you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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