i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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