glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
