Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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