Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
